The times are a changing... or are they?

So, i had a moment of strangness. it started with my encounter w/ an ex who found me on FB. i recall more bad than good or try to, just to fuel my animosity. n-e-wayz. he was quite the thirfty bastard  (& thats putting it nicely). turns out he still is, me well i still spend money like water. which segways us to my moment of "AHA!" if people spend money like water why do we hit pay dirt when we get  money? further more, what happens when money can no longer be frivolusly spent like water when we finally come to realize the water shortage. will pay dirt make more sense? (u see what i did) now for  a last reflection. i've noticed a trend. there've been at least three exs that have been money driven. one was cheap as hell. another was always looking to make a quick buck. and the last turned on me  when we became "friends" stating i only used him for his money. now i come to realize how i came to miss trust men. not to mention that is how my father showed affection. but thats another story.

the Midnite Madness

Here i am after deliberating a whole day with life's every distraction and just plain laziness. i accoplished almost nothing because of a nagging issue at the back of my mind. i hadnt posted this week and it was already the middle of the week. here at the middle, middle i am fianally ready to spill some thoughts and put down some words.
I was originally inspired by some negative aspects of my life. mainly where i live. it got me thinking and writting. it took a life of its own, i felt it needed its own spotlight so i may finally be adding a third blog.
so what turned it all around? the little hope i do have. bittersweet as it is, she is the light at the end of the tunnel. as i take stock and re-evaluate, she is the best thing i have.
I'm past 30, single, and in a rut. despite the cards i've been dealt ive yet to fold. i share my life, what little i have and a queen size bed with my lil' savior to be known as Serenidipty Fate.
in conclusion, you cant enjoy the sweet without the sour so serve it up straight.

the Late Late show theme by @CraigyFerg

It’s hard to stay up, it’s been a long, long day
and you got the sandman at the door.
But hang on leave the TV on and lets do it anyway.
It’s okay! You can always sleep through work tomorrow.
Okay! Hey! Hey!
Tomorrow’s just your future yesterday.

One of the top theme songs, you gotta love the message it sends. 

the Shallowness of Being

so i have come to the conclusion that i am a shallow, careless being.

why? do u ask.

Well, because i have been handed possible happiness and found myself quickly becoming bored with it. i care not for stability or security. just a fanciful notion.

it seems as if, pursued, i may possibly find constance but it frightens me. i want the fairy-tale like air of things. i foolishly strive to find happiness in fantasy or just i don't want to feel that i have settled for the common good rather than what stirs in my heart. is that soooo wrong??

i believe not. how can striving for love and admiration from a personal perspective attractive mate? i want all that I want, not what others per see as what is good for me or could be right for me. they do not know or understand my inner longings and others just watch, judge and assume.

Here i contemplate what real love is, was or could have been. i have had many lovers, courters and admirers to which have failed, fallen out of my favor, or just bored me with their nonsense, accusation or just plain disregard for my feelings. Some have just come across my path at an unfavorable time, moment or phase in my life.

looking back at them i wish to have had a second chance, knowing well enough that there is no real looking back or changing anything. we grow, mature, change. Opportunity is lost and things happen for their own twisted reason. i can only look back and try to learn from what i had disregarded or discarded in a foolish or cruel manner.

i have revisited these past lovers and courters to remind myself of what i decided. alas, i have not found the answer to what i seek. "haven't found what i'm looking for".

so on a pleasant note. as jaded and cynical as i have become toward the male species, i still remain a idealistic, hopeless romantic at heart.

and if none of this makes any sense... it really shouldn't, the matters of the heart rarely ever do.

Quote from Blink

Just my phone number. not a promise, not a guarantee, not an IOU. Just a phone number.

Sally Sparrow and Billy Shipton

Doctor Who "Blink" (2007)
more quotes, have fun.

LIfe according to Mozie.

Didnt really put much thought to what he would say but i found it clever. Now revisiting it, he's quite profound.
into the mind of mozie:
The reason for time is so that everything doesnt happen at once. - Einstein
Life is more managable when thought of as a scavenger hunt as oppose to a surprise party. - Jimmy Buffet
Fate has a way of putting in front of us that which we most try to leave behind.
(so true)
There are many things of which a wise man might wish to be ignorant.

Doesnt he have way with words. 

One more time to be sure

So now i can fill u in onall that bangs around in my head at anytime anywhere. whats to stop me from spilling my guts. try and stop me world. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

be prepared for the unknown.

So now im mobile...the fear should set in soon.

day two

so now i have spent several hours designing what i feel my blog should look like. I feel quite content with it ... for now. so on to what's next.

this week will be a trial week to see how to get this thing works. so bare with me while i experiment. i want this to be a weekly thing but since i have the option to add more different themed blogs, i may add more for each mood, idea, hell format and forum. so stay tuned as i explore my options.

Next up: fiddling with mobile posts.

2011: new year, new me, new blog!

ever walk into a room and trip as you make it passed the thresh hold? well thats i how i feel today.
i told myself that i would allow for change and try not to fall into my old routines, habits, vices or negativity, which is a tall order if im gonna cut out my vices. so this is suppose to be the year of change. start the decade on the right foot. well, i didnt. sorta. i stumbled at the door. but here i am starting what i hope is an outlet. a new blog. i kept putting it off. and with everyone mentioning that we are at a reset 1-1-11, i guess i can take do over.
so, i stare at my computer while i listen to the my music at random. digging to be relivant while only scracting the surface. the only thing is im still quesy from ringing in the new year. feeling down because i lost my cat. yet i want this to be the year i reinvent myself. that i follow my calling as a writter and this blog is my attempt to be more down to earth while still spitting out frivolty.
the path maybe unclear from this point but the direction is fairly set and im heading that way. im setting a goal and as resolutions go, it may fall flat before the month is over but i am determined to perserver. and i may just get where i set out to go. so here goes something. just hope you all read what i have to say.